


Atone

by CrystallizedTwilight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27893044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystallizedTwilight/pseuds/CrystallizedTwilight
Summary: Sirius makes the biggest mistake of his life.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 12





	Atone

**Author's Note:**

> Fic will follow the aftermath of [these events](https://crystallizedtwilight.tumblr.com/post/149616527998/in-the-books-its-mentioned-that-sirius-plays-a)

It’s not Sirius’ proudest moment, rushing so fast into Dumbledore’s office at such a frantic speed that he trips and falls to his knees. But that’s exactly where he stays, a fitting position for groveling, begging while out of breath. He doesn’t care that the confession will lead to enormous repercussions for him, that doesn’t _matter_ now. 

He scrunches the carpet in his fists, near sobbing, and because he was even _more_ ashamed of the event that took place just before this one, pride was not even a thing to be considered, now.

So Dumbledore listens to the story and, promptly, Severus is called into the office with them. Sirius stands separate and stiff in the corner, glaring at him with red-rimmed eyes and the most upsetting mixture of anxiety and remorse.

And, of course, Dumbledore’s greatest magic has always been his eloquence. With a speech about keeping _all_ students safe and few gentle words to Severus about how his attendance at the school now depended on keeping Remus’ secret unspoken, the matter is settled, and with the clearly dissatisfied billow of his cape, Severus exits.

“Where is Mr. Lupin now?” Dumbledore asks pleasantly, a beat after the earthy sound of the revolving staircase leave them in silence. Sirius’ stomach drops cold as he remembers the last words Remus had said to him. 

And when Remus is called into Dumbledore’s office to be told the good news, that his secret was still safe from the school, that he could continue his education, it is then that they learn that he is gone. In the time it took to settle this horrible mess, he had packed without hesitation and fled home.

“Headmaster, please,” Sirius begs, voice raw and broken, “ _Please_ invite him back to Hogwarts.”

But Dumbledore simply folds his hands and peers over the top of his half moon glasses.

“Mr. Lupin has always been welcome at this school,” he explains softly, “I never requested that he leave, so I cannot request that he return. That appears to be a task better suited for…a friend.”

.

When Remus opens the door of his cottage to see Sirius Black standing there, brow furrowed, mouth slightly agape, he observes him expressionlessly for three seconds before moving to close the door in silence. Desperately, Sirius wedges his foot in between the frame to prevent it from shutting.

“Please, Remus… _please_. Five minutes. I swear I’ll leave after five minutes.”

Remus sighs like he’s been aged ten years by the whole debacle and reluctantly opens the door for Sirius to step inside. However, after he does, he ignores him to go about the kitchen boiling water for his tea. Sirius swallows hard while he realizes this is the best he’ll get and quickly begins spewing words to fill the time limit.

The first that pour from him are apologies, shaking regret that trembles out of him, and if he had the whole night he would have spent it all on trying to make Remus see they were true. As it is, he doesn’t, so he continues on. He stutters through informing him of his talk with Dumbledore, how Severus is sworn to secrecy, and how the school will never know of his lycanthropy.

He ends by telling him it’s okay to come back, _asking_ him to, ending with a quiet plea. But Remus simply prepares the tea leaves of choice while the water heats and doesn’t bother turning around.

“I’m not going back to Hogwarts,” Remus says decidedly, “I don’t feel safe there.”

“It _is_ safe, Remus! No one will ever know. Severus won’t risk getting expelled.”

“I don’t feel _safe_ ,” Remus emphasizes the word, “…with you there.”

Sirius swallows hard, they fall silent for a beat, and the teapot screeches. Remus takes it off the stove and pours it quietly.

“Time’s up.”

Sirius’ brow is furrowed and his chest aches with the realization that despite what he thought, he couldn’t fix this. 

At last, Remus turns around, leaning idly against the kitchen counter to drink his chamomile. He flashes his gold eyes at Sirius and it is clear that even the calmest of people could be pushed to the edge of their patience.

Sirius had every intention of leaving when he promised, but now, now he understands that he’d tied his fate to this. And, god, all he wanted to do since he _met_ Remus Lupin was tie his fate to him but not like this. Never like this.

“You shouldn’t have to suffer for my mistakes. I know that school is more of a home to you than anywhere and I’d never take that away from you,” Sirius confesses, mouth dry, voice gravelly, “…W-will you come back to Hogwarts if I leave it?”

Remus goes still at the unexpected proposal before staring down at his reflection in the amber tea.

“Yes,” he says, tiredly.

Sirius swallows through the dryness and nods once, “Then that’s what I’ll do. I’m…so sorry for everything, Remus.”

The door is shut behind him quietly.

.

For James and Peter, it was emotional whiplash to find Remus’ portion of their shared dormitory empty, only to find Sirius’ portion emptied the next day. Out of courtesy, they exit the room when Remus opens the door to begin putting his things back as they’ve just about finished saying their good-byes to Sirius.

The last thing Sirius wants is to return to his family. Pure blood fanatics, wicked and cruel. At sixteen, he’d had more than enough of their antics and James had somewhat casually suggested that he move in with him when summer break came around. However, that would be a hard thing to pitch to the Potters when the school year was still in full swing. Sirius’ stomach turns. Perhaps he could live as a dog for a while. It would be better than going home and would damn well serve him right.

Remus makes searing eye contact with Sirius, surrounded by all his suitcases and whatnot, but continues past him to place his suitcase on his bed and begin unpacking. Knowing there was nothing he could say, now or ever, to make up for what he’d done Sirius sighs quietly and lifts his bags to leave. As he touches the doorknob Remus speaks.

“Stay.”

Sirius’ heart pounds fervently to think that Remus still had something to say to him before he left, but as he turns around hopefully, Remus is still giving his attention to his unpacking. Apparently, Remus means the word in a broader term than the immediate so he elaborates:

“Stay at this school.”

“Why?”

“Because this is your home, too.”

“Remus—”

“This doesn’t mean what you think it does. I’m not your friend anymore, Sirius,” Remus says plainly, almost numb. Still, he hears his own words and stops folding clothes and turns to face him, “You’re really gonna have to work to rebuild that from the ground up. And I’m not promising anything.”

Sirius nods, wide-eyed, weepy, _breathlessly_. That’s enough. That’s so much _more_ than he’d hoped for. And the truth was: there was truly no limit to how far Sirius would go to be in his favor. From suggesting that he, James, and Peter become animagi so they could comfort Remus during all phases of the moon, to illegally mastering it by year five.

To falling asleep curled into his side in the shrieking shack. To helping him walk back to the school on harder nights. To bringing him chocolate in the hospital wing when he awoke, missing class to do so. After every full moon, there he was, sitting on Remus’ mattress, jumping into full conversations as soon as he opened his eyes as if he hadn’t just been asleep so Remus woke up from a horrid night laughing.

And even volunteering to leave the only place he’d ever had a home or family.

All of it, _everything,_ was always for him.

Sirius Black had been lovestruck since day one and what he doesn’t know is: right before this happened, Remus was nearly there too. And while trust took years to build and seconds to break, at least he’d been given permission to try.

And so, as always, he would.

.

The End


End file.
